PI 14 Pseudoacoustic Infector
Click on the images for a close-up. The PI 14 is currently unavailable due to parts shortage.
Following in the time-honored tradition of the Rane Corporation Engineering department's never-ending quest to make the most out of the least, here is the revolutionary sonic enhancement product, the Rane PI 14. Limitations of space and patience preclude detailing all the limitless virtues of this acoustic stimulator, however one must make due with the allotted time and size and put down at least a rudimentary sketch of this marvelous piece of gimmickry.
Over the years, the sciences of audio production and reproduction have evolved slowly. Too slowly for Rane engineering. So, with a little clever application of some otherwise tawdry electrical components, we bring you the PI 14. Not just an evolution, no way. It's a revolution.
Have you ever wanted to add just a bit of this or a tad of that to your sound? Have you ever wondered what was available to allow it? So have we. The PI 14 gives you the ability to add bits of this and dashes of that, with continuously variable breadth and depth. How much would you pay for this flexibility? But wait. Before you answer that, there's also the ability to pan from here to there and if you lose your way, there's a switch to get you back again. And if you don't care for the spectral distribution of the difference between this and that, there is a special Rinkwitz Liley 4th grade crossover filter which may be used to control spectral harmony.
The Sheen reduction processor included in the overwhelmingly complex circuitry of the PI 14 reduces to a bare memory the graininess and shimmer present in many modern recordings digitally processed without the assistance of an inverse PI 14 digital dither shield. Now how much would you pay? Yes Martha, there's more. More in the form of the rotary Ecstacy presence control at the far right hand side of the PI 14's control panel. This knob can restore life to even the most nauseous recordings of the past. Don't dispose of those old bubble gum (or bubble machine) recordings taking up space in your library. The PI 14 adds just enough of this or that to these legendary vinyl dinosaurs to make them worth the 9 styli you'll wear out playing just one of them. Now how much would you pay? Let us know.
A shaky this may be acceptable and, conceivably, a questionable that is tolerable, but no system can simultaneously sustain a jittery this and that. And when panoramic sweeping from here to there is required, nothing does the job just right. For these reasons, Rane Corporation developed the PI 14 Pseudoacoustic Infector.
Nothing has been left out. Transparent to the user but essential to the design is the 128-bit microcontroller running the front panel. Rane's exclusive artificial intelligence (AI) algorithm determines whether the user knows what he's (it's always a he; she's are too smart to buy this thing) doing. The AI controller always overrides totally stupid input. In addition, an autopilot mode exists, whereby the AI controller predetermines what the operator wants, and executes it beforehand. And finally, the AI controller features DWIWNWIS (Do what I want, not what I say) trouble free control interface.
Several envelope-pushing unique features beg attention. Such as the pneumonic suspension to reduce gravitational electron drift due to tilted chassis; such as the proprietary paint that reflects odd-ordered harmonic light frequencies to reduce non-linear photon radiation interference; such as Rane's patent pending (in 3 galaxies) Time Warp Compression/Expansion to synchronize Here/There time coordinates; such as the Interdimensional Stabilizer essential for This and That; such as the 10 megawatt mini fusion reactor power supply for those demanding audio transients -- and featuring the first use of nearly room temperature (-146° C) bismuth superconductors. (It should be noted that the cooling system is not provided, but is required.) No expense has been spared.
And the physical construction is exquisite. Utilizing another Rane first, the all-concrete chassis and front panel, the PI 14 displays unequalled vibrational stability. And with the optional aggregate front panel the Pseudoacoustic Infector is a wonder to fondle.